04 Oct 2025 19:17:10
So, Russell Martin walks into a bank in Glasgow. and says: "I'd like to withdraw £8,000 please".
The teller replies "Certainly sir! All I need is to see some identification. "
Martin replies
"This is really embarrassing but I don't have any I. D. on me. "
"However I am Russell Martin and you can ask anybody around here. They will tell you who I am. "
The teller replies sternly, "I know who you are sir but I still need some sort of proof of identification, rules are rules. "
Martin asks "is there really nothing you can do? "
The teller says
"Well. There is one thing as a number of years ago we had this same situation with Kasper Schmeikel who came in without any form of I. D. to prove who he was.
So he said he would prove it by doing something an impostor couldn't possibly do. and he set a football down in the street outside then proceeded to kick it as hard as he possibly could. He kicked the ball so far, we knew it had to be him. "
Russell replies: "Interesting. Were there any other cases? "
The teller smiles and says, "Yes actually.
About four months ago we had Daizen Maeda with same problem again.
So Maeda proceeds to put the ball on the floor, and starts juggling it with his feet, does a number of tricks then plants the ball on top of the security camera so we knew it absolutely had to be him.
"So Sir, is there anything you could do to prove to us who you are? " the teller asks.
Martin stops to think for a minute. He shakes his head and replies
"I can't think of anything at all. "
"I'm not sure if there's a solution here as I'm honestly, drawing a blank and don't have a clue what to do. "
The teller asks "Mr. Martin, will that be large or small notes sir? "
I'll get my coat.
(Please remember it's a wee joke not related to current form)
{Ed007's Note - Going by the name and the pi$$ poor joke I think I maybe doing a Davina McCall and getting Timbo and his long lost son back together!!}
04 Oct 2025 19:34:48
I started to read and thought Timbo.
{Ed007's Note - ????
04 Oct 2025 20:53:56
ED007 I may not post as much these days but I am always around
People kept casting aspersions on Bob Monkhouse and his jokes, but he lasted 50 years and his jokes are still out there, I know because I still use them lol
Remember my joke book is almost extensive so be careful, or I will flood your pages ED007 with 20 years worth of the ORIGINAL Timalloy jokes, in TRIPLICATE.
{Ed007's Note - Don't you dare compare yourself to Bob Monkhouse!!!! ??
04 Oct 2025 22:55:09
Tim I can recall Bob Monkhouse's joke book leaving his possession and landing in someone else's possession without his knowledge (don't want to use the stole word) . Your jokes didn't by any chance come from his book Tim? lol.
04 Oct 2025 23:43:53
I will give Timalloy and tinytim their dues, they are both funnier than Michael McIntyre. ?.
05 Oct 2025 00:27:01
Naw Stengo. I just seen and thought it was worth a chuckle (especially after that midweek performance)
I met Monkhouse once.
I was working on an oil rig off Great Yarmouth and was at the heliport/ airport waiting for crew change chopper to take us offshore.
Bob, Jimmy Tarbuck and Frank Carson were getting a flight to Blackpool for a celebrity golf tourney.
Carson was cracking jokes non-stop.
Tarby said that Frank was like that from the minute he wakened up.
Only had a short spell as we flew out first.
05 Oct 2025 09:50:53
Tim, was at Blackpool a goof few years ago and went to see Frank Carson who was p$ss poor with the same jokes recycled since I was about 5 -about 65 odd years ago. The one who did it for me that night was Linda Nolan who jumped from the stage and sat on the guy's lap who was sitting next to me. Jeezus even that was feckin dream like. If only I was in 5 minutes earlier and had sat in his seat. she would probably have sat on someone elses.