Celtic Banter Archive August 23 2011

23 Aug 2011 22:55:03
A Glaswegian lad takes his girlfriend home for the first time.
He says, "This is Amanda."

His dad jumps up. "It's a f*cking what?"

Timallot, my jokes are better than yours.

G.A.G.U.S

Wee Pat told same joke, two posts down, boo, go and get your own jokes ha ha Timalloy

Thank you timbo ah rest ma case
(f*** me that wee bawbag jist ran awaey wae it,here you come bak wae that its goat aw big bainos rugs in it pp

23 Aug 2011 21:14:19
C'mon you bhoys in Green ! NL probably can't believe his bad luck with injuries and some of the posts are just rubbin salt in the wound

23 Aug 2011 20:12:47
here ed ah jist goat the frite ah ma life,ah wiz lyin undur the couch tae get sum" me time" eftir a hard days puntin ma coos wen ma youngist (who av hid ma douts aboot , now whit a meen boays,curlin tongs ok bit fur yir pubes? n'hes dun the wee full jum white ,bak sak n,crak, eye linur,aw stoap)its a kik in the fanny he'll get anywaey he strolls in n 'says
"THIS IS AMANDA"
ah sade its a whit?
am tellin ye kin weans,
anywaey it turned oot SHE iz a wee brammer, long legs up tae ur eers,ankles up tae hur nees,(cum tae think ae it that wiz abit oddd, )elefintitiss mibbee?
anywaey she looked nice,cums fae tieland ( ah think thats the plaice beside TIMLAND, doon the barrass) n shes a singur in a groop cauld the "ladeeeee boys"
thur aw seeminly stoatirs, so ther ye huv it Whit wiz a wurryin aboot,(back fur a wee snooz undur the couch,dont ask,wee veras oan the warpath wae aw thes munkees swingin fae where the seelin thit used tae be ther

Am a makin it toolong ed ye seem tae be cuttin it? {Ed007's Note - No, that's what you sent in Pat?}

Evening wee Pat, still working on the Jongleurs gig, phoned 20 taxis so far still not found wan that picked up guy fae Jongleurs, but still trying. Anyway here are a couple of jokes to add to your repertoire, multi lingual me, anyway,
10 coos in a field, which one is nearer Iraq? Coo eight
What do you call a pigeon that goes to Aveimore? A Ski'n Doo
Three wee jobbies sitting on the pavement, which one is the Muskateer?
The Dark Tan Yin LOL Timalloy

Timbo yir makin fun wen ma life is in krisus, the dark tan yin,thats auldir thin ma boaxirs n ;theyr 22 (years no munths ) timbo

Hey timbo ye mite be multi lingual bit it disnae make yi ah bad persun.then agane??????????????,its jist thit ye widnae waant tae bring wan ae thaem hame tae yir maw?????

Never mind Pat when yer pal Brad goes hame, you can get a job wi his entourage LOL Timalloy

Pat they tell you, to look at the adam's apple to identify these "ladyboys" but when you see, long legs, nice t..s, gorgeous body, who the f..k is looking at an ADAMS APPLE Timalloy (multi lingual but taking tablets for it) {Ed007's Note - I hope Mrs Tim can't see you typing!!}

Ha Ha Ed007, she is out at bingo, (I'm not that brave) Anyway wee pat they might look a wee bit peely wally but they are wee stoatirs. ( Just talking some weegie tae gie "bond" a sair heid ) Hey wee pat just hud a thought, me an yu cud stert oor ain KELTIC banter page. Ah no wan o the krankies relativs fandabbidoubledozy. Timalloy forun korrespondant fae edinburger

Sorry tim shes no it the bingo shes aff hur heed "in the heed" sory pal hey whit ah limbo dansur she gete lower thin big mikey
ppp

23 Aug 2011 19:16:11
Evening Ed007, when I was having a laugh yesterday about "send for Beltrami" looked up some interesting facts about him. He gave Donald Findlay QC his first start, how ironic is that?
He represented 12 murderers due to hang in the 50's and won everytime so much so that papers carried banner headlines Beltami 12 - Hangman 0
One case prosecution called 125 witnesses when a taxi driver was murdered, Beltrami cross examined ALL 125 of them and won his case
Maybe Lennon should "send for Beltrami" to get money out of Mr Desmond hail hail Timalloy {Ed007's Note - I knew that Findlay was Beltrami's protege Tim. He may be disliked but no doubt of his skills in the courtroom}

No doubting Beltrami but have a look at when Findlay last won a court case.... more than 2 years ago, no bull, he lives on his past reputation.

Gary {Ed007's Note - I actually wasn't sure if he was still practising law TBH, Gary.}

He's good but he's no Ironside..

TK-Red {Ed007's Note - Evening TK mate, you up for a rest over the WS stuff?}

Evening Ed007. As much as I would love Sneijder to sign, I swear to god Im throwing a mouldy scotch egg at the next person that mentions him (your good self excluded of course) ;)

TK-Red {Ed007's Note - I must have been asked about 20 times today, if I had any news! Answered the first one, there are that many stories/rumours going about that even Ed002 can't find anything out for me that is actually true. You know if I get anything you guys are the first to know.}

I know you would Ed. It'd be straight on here the second you heard it even if nobody asked. Its gone on for so long now that if it is gonna happen then we wont know for sure until he is in the country. So Im just gonna wait and see. Like you say there is too much being written and reported and it is impossible to know whats true. Hows life up here? Things a bit more positive after the result the other day?

TK-Red {Ed007's Note - You're joking mate? It is just building up for the Europa games on Thursday}

Hey TK RED, how are you?. Read wee Pat above hilarious.Ed007 will translate for you (after all "bond" can do anything
Back to Findlay, he might not be a good lawyer, but he can belt out a good tune, allegedly (the old lawyer training never fails) he is now in the window business I heard, specialising in SASH ones, allegedly Hail hail Timalloy {Ed007's Note - I'm not translating that!!! LOL that is above and beyond the call of duty Tim}

All I got from it was that his youngest was dressing up as a thai woman....oh and something about monkeys.

TK-Red {Ed007's Note - That is enough! I'm not wanting your mammy shouting at me for leading you astray ;-)

I wouldnt worry about that Ed. My mind is as warped as the next guy.

TK-Red {Ed007's Note - Nobody's mind is as warped as Wee Pats TK}

I heard Ed032 had a sore head after trying to read wee Pat's blogs Dont know if it is me but I can understand most of it, it is my multi cultural, muti lingual Glasgow upbringing LOL Timalloy
Wee Pat for Poet Laureate

TK I was in your cousins shop today TK MAXX, never bought anything. Anyway as Ed007 will tell you i am not one to tell tall tales? But just been announced Sneijder signs for CELTIC apparently we matched his salary for 20 minutesLOL Timalloy

23 Aug 2011 16:14:55
Afternoon bhoys and ghirls,

Alot lower half English premier league teams slagging the SPL off, now am just throw this out for dicussion, if our league isn't that bad, Spain la liga didn't fulfil there fixture list as the players where on strike over wages not being paid, and at least half of the teams are using something in the ruling basically if they in trouble the don't need to pay the wages. Also it now looks like the seria A has a little trouble to over money, the spl isn't pretty but at least we will still be a league in a few years as it looks across Europe alot of teams struggling, apart from barca who have massive loses but have wealth investors, Madrid funded by the king of Spain, these will stop soon and it will be interesting what's being said.

Also is it true that the spl got an automatic quailification place in the champions league next year??

Any just a point am saying about the state of all the football

Cumby bhoy

Hi Cumby Bhoy, yes when Celtic win SPL, we go straight into group stages of CL no qualifying. Your other point, not only Spanish, Italian teams have money problems English teams also and a certain team from Edmiston Drive, despite what Mr Whyte says hail hail Timalloy

Lmao when sceptic win your going to eat them words come christmas timmy fail fail
mark.

23 Aug 2011 14:58:12
afternoon everyone lets stop all the negativity i know it was a poor result on sunday but we still have a good team and i am quite sure we will get a couple more in to strengthen the team before next thursday and of course we want to get through on thursday but if we dont its not the end of the world the title has to be priority also it dosnt matter if you dont like this player or you dont like that player as long as they pull on the hoops get behind them

23 Aug 2011 12:19:51
I think after Sundays showing it is clear that we need a striker and a centre half. Stokes is a great player along side Hooper but Samaras must surely be on his way out. I like the looks of La Fondre but i know there is a lot of interest form English sides. On sunday I think it was clear to all that Big Dan has not got it. He should be using his experience to guide the likes of Wanyama through games yet it seems to be the other way about. I have never seen a 34 year old centre half that looks that uncomfortable. I would like to see a genuine experienced centre half to come in and sort out our clear problems at the back.
Over & Over
Danny B

I hear ya Danny B, though ALF is no different to Hooper in reality, and therein lies the problem, do we sign another Hoops cos he's a cheap option or do we go for the Plan B type? De Negris for example, offers something alternative to the predictable style we seem to have developed?

I know what I want and it ain't the cheap Lge 2 striker just cos he's flavour of the month. He so lazy mate it's unreal, makes Boydy look like a grafter. Serious.

Shaunybhoy

We missed a trick not getting sutton on a free no risk as proven time and again he'l score as did skippy b4 him. long way to go

ktf davybhoy

23 Aug 2011 01:31:11
the state of the scottish game and any scottish teams performance in europe againist foreign teams, i believe is partly down to visa laws. we are are a back leg. il explain:

1. countries like spain, germany etc can sign cracking non e.u players who do a good turn for them.

2. This allows them to sign players from non e.u countries for buttons, sell them on for megabucks and reinvest.

3. This loss of finance for spl teams, halts investment in our own homegrown youth.

4. point 3 means that our players who have been nurtured through our club system, dont have as much value compared to other leagues r.e mcgeady

5. ESPN robbed the league

Point 5 is the one we should all be talking about. How can Sky who bankroll English football for hundreds of millions ignore Scottish football to the extent they have. I will remind everyone SKy is actually BskyB there is a British in the name. They are licensed through the British Govt. Scottish subscribers pay the same as the rest of Britain. I want to know who allows them to make these business decisions which to my mind are rascist and unconstitutional. There is also a case for NI and Welsh teams but less so as their leagues were always weak and it is difficult to argue that they have been detrimentally affected by the imbalance that Celtic and Rangers have and to a lesser extent the Edinburgh Dundee teams and Aberdeen.

2 Scottish sides have reached UEFA cup finals in the last 10 years, so why is our reputation at rock bottom?

I live in England and get ruined every other day for following a "pub team", I don't care and never will but this widely held view needs removing ASAP. Started with the national side and has now afflicted the SPL and its teams, those pesky English lot, trying to take our freedom again.

Shaunybhoy

Gers fan here and couldnt agree more with regards to Skys distribution of TV cash surely there is some sort of boycott the fans of Scottish football can arrange.
You will tell me to bolt but Rangers had a BIGGER turnover than Man Utd in season 1988-89 English sides were banned from Europe but still. Old firm are worth about £100m whereas Man Utd at least £1.4b 14 times our value which has been assisted greatly by Skys regular payments to their bank. Raging that Swansea can play in Premiership but are Welsh?? Its Seems the Scots get F@@ked as usual
Gwak1873