Celtic Banter Archive March 21 2020

21 Mar 2020 21:29:56
Here's one for you.

Paddy and Mick get recruited by the army to secure the streets during the pandemic lockdown. The Sergeant Major gives them the instruction to shoot on sight, anyone found on the streets after 6pm. They are up in the watch tower on duty and see a fella walking down the street.

Paddy takes aim with the sniper rifle and 'BANG' takes the fella out with one shot. Mick turns to Paddy screaming and pointing at his watch "sake Paddy it's only 5.45. The Sergeant Major will have you for this". Paddy turns back to Mick and says "Would you ever relax Mick. I know that fella and he would never have made it home on time! "

Not trying to make light of it folks as it is serious stuff. However, it's important we all try to remain positive.

Stay safe everyone and I wish you all continued good health.

God bless.

22 Mar 2020 08:21:05
lol - cracker mate.
our sense of humour is the best weapon we have. Glaswegians are especially famous for it.
That said, I posted this one on facebook and I could not believe some of the people (small minority) who reacted as if I was the devil incarnate.

"Feeling very proud of myself. I did a massive shop earlier as there was a big delivery in . Bought loo roll, pasta, bread, Soup, hand gels the lot . My trolley was absolutely rammed full.

Then I saw this old man behind me with only two things .

He looked sad and said “I’ve only managed to get a box of Kleenex and a bag of nuts everything else is gone “😞 .

I felt terrible . Here I am with all this stuff waiting in line and this poor old man had very little.

So I did the right thing and said to him “go on mate, you go in front, you’ve only got two things"

One woman went as far as lecturing me about how the old guy probably trecked across Europe during the war .! Othere demanded to know why I did not share my stuff. Thankfully a LOT of people took it for what it was and agreed we need our humour at this time.

22 Mar 2020 10:08:11
On the Sevco pages there has been some brilliant jokes.
I suppose they have got to have a good sense of humour with what they have been watching for the last 8 years.

22 Mar 2020 13:19:16
🤣🤣🤣🤣@Tinytim, some people are too caught up in their right to be offended. I'll be telling that joke at work.

22 Mar 2020 18:18:04
Belter.

21 Mar 2020 20:20:19
{Ed's Note - Ed001 has posted a new article entitled, A To Z: Paris Saint-Germain

21 Mar 2020 16:43:58
Celtic pledge 150.000 smackers and man city and utd pledge 100.000 between them and they're all over the national news . strange.

21 Mar 2020 17:18:27
Only to be expected. Sly in particular never recognize anything good to come out of Scottish football. Especially from our wonderful club. As long as we supporters appreciate this magnificent gesture that's all that matters. Hail hail all, and be safe.

21 Mar 2020 17:50:51
SLY are Sevco's mouthpiece and private press agent. As long as our club continues to lead the way on and off the park it hurts them.

21 Mar 2020 20:23:26
And that's the difference between us and 'them'. We do things time and time again and we do it with the biggest and most caring hearts. Those ones don't have hearts, they have swinging bricks. #the end is nigh for sevco HH.

22 Mar 2020 20:24:04
Rangers donated 10 litre of sanitizer. Levels.

21 Mar 2020 15:48:53
Hi guys some more anagrams of former Celts, this is what it has come to, no sport, tv garbage, no mass, prisoner in my own home so boring.

My goalie walk. 1980s/ 90s
Trap dancer. 1960s
Tea builder. 1960s/ 70s
King latch man. 1980s
Ran to Newry. 1990s
Start a result. 1990s
Rib Star Trek cop 2000s
A chilly one. 1990s/ 2000s
Inns money doll. 1990s
She may train. 1990s

Best of luck.

21 Mar 2020 10:23:35
The Unforeseen consequences of Corunavirus

Myself, Mrs T and the girls have been self isolating for a week, minimum 14 days is recommended but Mrs T and I may need to stay indoors longer because of our underlying health problems.
Anyway, girls have their own room and we have a spare bedroom, which I am very familiar with when Mrs T banishes me there for one of my (many) transgressions, during this period I have been using it as my space, but it gets cold at night without being able to cuddle up to my better (and wiser half) so I searched and found an old hot water bottle, cold banished, or so I thought, alas the water bottle had a leak and when I climbed into bed I BURNED MY BUM, ouch.
I have mentioned about Mrs T being "wise" of course she had prepared for any eventuality and the week before all 4 of us were on a mission to "stock up" (NOT HOARD) as there are four of us in household. Mrs T decided to set me a task hoping I would fail ie procuring TOILET ROLL enough to last 4 of us for a minimum 2/ 3 weeks, so did this Tim achieve this almost impossible task? YES of course I did by avoiding the big chains like Asda, Tesco, Morrisons etc and going to the local corner shop who had TONS in stock so I came home with FOUR 12 pack loo rolls, plus 4 jumbo kitchen rolls, pleased with myself I was emptying car boot of my "treasure" when one of our neighbours tore into me and called me "selfish hoarder" among other names, and would not let me explain my side of things (guess who is NOT getting any of our loo rolls)
Safely back inside the Timalloy household Mrs T and girls had stocked up on everything we would need for a month, but this is where Mrs T comes into her own, WE had plenty but 3 of our neighbours are older than us and live alone, so Mrs T organised food parcels for our elderly neighbours tinned soup, tinned mince and peas, tinned SPAM, tinned potatoes, boil in the bag chicken etc she not only wanted to give our neighbours food but easily prepared meals as well, mince and tatties, chicken, toast and beans, so the girls took said food parcels to our 3 elderly neighbours and guess what their favourite was, SPAM, yes it took them back to rationing many years ago. So Mrs T and her organisation skills had helped 4 households during this horrible crisis.
But Mrs T would NOT let me go back to the neighbour who had chastised me, oh well there are OTHER ways of getting my own back. I piled up ALL our packs of toilet paper in the front window lol.

21 Mar 2020 07:39:03
{Ed's Note - Ed001 has posted a new article entitled, Review Of The Day 21st March 2020